Man Loses Son Claims YouTube Made Him Do It

Fayetteville, NC – It what appears to be an open and shut case for authorities is turning into a rampant call for YouTube to shutdown.

Denny Forrester, a fifth grader at Tacoma Elementary, was suppose to stay near his house. He ventured out and lost his way back. Denny found a police officer and cried that he couldn’t find his way home. His father, Sam Forrester, didn’t notice, but Denny was returned by the Fayetteville Police Department. Upon answering the door, Sam scolded his boy for leaving the house. The police were going to arrest Sam for negligence, but instead Sam shouted, “YOUTUBE MADE ME DO IT!” Sam claims he lost his son because he was stuck in a YouTube Rabbit Hole. A Youtube Rabbit Hole is when keep clicking on new videos even though it has nothing to do with your original search. Now the internet is on a massive witch hunt for YouTube to be shut down.

Many have taken to Facebook to voice their opinions to their peers of like minded opinion. “Everyones agree with me, just look at my Facebook likes,” said Ray Clemmings. Out of his 47 friends, he received 46 likes on his ‘Call to Arms’ status. Ray will be deleting his friend, Paul Higgins, whom did not agree. Paul passed away 3 months ago, but that does’t matter to Ray. Mr. Clemmings added, “If you don’t wanna agree with me, don’t be an asshole on my page.”  In response to Ray’s status, Sally Owens brought up the fact that bookstores have a bigger Technology section than a Religion section. We have reached out to Barnes & Noble who claim YouTube made them do it.

The ‘Call to Arms’ is coming from people looking to blame anything else but themselves. “It’s happened to all of us,” said Mrs. Samson, who lost his child last year. “If YouTube wasn’t around, I would have payed more attention to my kid. Honest.” Mrs. Samson was not seen crossing any fingers, so GUR knows she was serious.

Politicians of North Carolina are worried civilians will not deal with the real issue: how YouTube needs to be shut down. State litigation is taking place to ban YouTube in schools, churches, and space. State Senator Ron Carlson says, “If I knew how to YouTube’d,  it would probably explain why I lost my kids years ago.”

Denny Forrester is glad to be back home with his parents. “I hope one day, my dad admits he doesn’t like to hang out with me,” said Denny. “Luckily, I know how to get home now. I watched some YouTube videos about what to do if you’re lost.” Denny’s father, Sam, is pursuing a civil lawsuit against YouTube. He’s suing for emotional damages in having a child, and for YouTube to send him back in time to before he had a child. Until then, Sam plans to “research” YouTube’s black magic.

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Calumet Photographic Pranks Employees

Logo of the Retail Chain

Logo for the Retail Chain

Calumet Photographic is filing for Chapter 7 bankruptcy and wanted to pull the sheep’s wool over it’s employee’s eyes.

The retail giant released a ‘joke’ memo to all employees before it closed it doors. “We thought we were going to be fine,” said long time employee Cassandra Stevens. The memo stated that all rumors of bankruptcy were false, and that employees should keep working hard. Calumet CEO thought it hilarious.

“We put ‘JK’ on the bottom of the memo, but no one seemed to notice,” claimed CEO Brian Carroll. “Doesn’t anyone appreciate a good joke anymore?” Brian still thought the ‘joke’ was hilarious. Mr. Carroll will spend his time chasing his passion: making youtube prank videos. “I got this idea, as my ex employees return for their personal belongings, I kick them in the balls!”

Logo for CEOsBeingJerks

Youtube Channel CEOsBeingJerks Logo

Carroll spends his time on his youtube channel CEOsBeingJerks. The channel features Ex McDonald’s CEO Jim Skinner, Chick-Fil-A CEO Dan T. Cathy, and Ashton Kutcher. Kutcher leads the group of CEOs from small to small town, kicking civilians in the crotch area. They claim that if they can rude to normal people at an impersonal level, they can do it at a personal level.

If a business can file bankruptcy and let go of it’s employees without notice, what’s going to stop your company from doing the same? A call for congress to act is being pushed, but they’re to busy trying to sue themselves.