Book Cover Review

Judgin’ A Book By It’s Cover: Bedding a Billionaire by Kendra Little

It’s Monday, which means it’s time for – Judgin’ a Book By It’s Cover.

This week, Bedding a Billionaire by Kendra Little. The review is in no way about the story. I commend authors, but I demean unrealistic covers.

Cover photo of Bedding a Billionaire by Kendra Little

Givin’ it up, being yelled at, and being a second class citizen is worth it if he takes me places.

Bedding a Billionaire… oh yeah, like that’s going to be an experience you want to tell all your friends about… “Then he told me not to talk about anything and have sex with me.”

First, I love that the billionaire is looking down on the woman. That is as real as the cover gets. Who’s fantasy involves being looked down on? “Xchel he’s so sweet to me, he gives me things.” If things is what you want, then you deserved to be treated as such. There is no way a man should look down on a women. You’re making someone an object, obviously you failed at ‘Getting Along With Others On This Planet 101.’

Can we get an updated version of this ‘billionaire’. He’s not old and most are as old as an elephant from the ice age. Any person who is that young telling you he’s a billionaire, is not. Please don’t fall for it and be lured into his Mazda from 1998. While you’re asking, “What happened to your Lambo?” He’s giving you the mechanic run around. Single men lie to get women back their place. It’s like the game mouse trap, where on your way home from the club, men are trying to trap you into their arms for the night.

Has anyone notice that a cry for help in a women’s eyes? Maybe she is trying to be seductive or maybe it’s bad gas. But someone please get these woman some Pepto. If I saw this woman on the street giving me these eyes, I would cross the street. I don’t want to walk in anyone’s crop dust.

Is that flames on the billionaire flame suit? Yes. Yes, that saved the cover for me. If there is anything about billionaires that can ring true, is that on the way to the top, they have fucked someone over. Whether it’s banged someone (male / female / horse) while my wife was on vacation or moved jobs to stir more profit, you have to make moves to get there.

Overall, I would give this cover a C+. There are some aspects I appreciated, but there was one thing I didn’t: The fantasy of dating a billionaire. I’m not jealous. My bank account is empty of money, but I have a whole lot of ‘treating woman like human beings’ my pocket.

Kobe Stops Trying To Inspire Others To Stop Trying

Kobe says, "OW my knee"

Kobe Bryant Knocking Away Hands From His Knee

In what comes as no surprise for the Laker season, Kobe Bryant has been ruled out of play. “Thank god, that shit was embarrassing,” said a disgruntled Kobe.

The rest of the team seems to be following suit by not trying. “We knew he would give up near the end, so we weren’t even going to try,” said Steve Nash the NBA’s oldest player. The team plans to spend the next games playing grab ass. “It keeps it fun for us,” said Nash. Grab ass is where one player touches another player’s ass without them knowing who did it.

Not all in the Lakers organization are excited. Mike D’Antoni, Head Coach, is upset that he is being let go at the end of the season. “That stinks,” he said. D’Antoni feels wanted when he’s working. “Even though we’re losing, people talk to me. Now, I won’t have anyone to talk to. Sad face.” D’Antoni plans to spend his time off calling other teams to see if they need a losing record.

The Kobe inspiration is hitting the City of Los Angeles hard. As many believe, if Kobe can, I can too. “I was suppose to graduate high school this year, but I’d rather wait,” claimed Ken Moore, a 3rd year Senior at Hollywood High. The Kobe struggle is going international as many of the lawn care workers in LA have stopped working. “We Kobe,” revealed Miguel Garcia.

What will Kobe do with his time off? Kobe Bryant plans to spend the offseason making fun of people with normal jobs, and finding a way to quit his responsibilities in the 2014-15 season.

Steve Nash ready to play a game of grab ass

Nash Excited To Play Grab Ass

Lakers Turn To Voodoo For Help

Pau Gasol with a paper bag over his head

Pau Gasol in the 4th against The LA Clippers

The Los Angeles Lakers embarrassing 48 point loss to the Los Angeles Clippers leaves the Lakers in a pickle.

The home team was decimated in what only seemed like an NBA Jam video game. Pau Gasol took to the night by placing a brown paper bag over his head late in the 4th.

The Lakers answer is voodoo. Today, the team hired Voodoo Queen Sheva Florez to become the Head Coach. “I will do my best to use dark magic to help our team win, ” stated a happy Coach Flores as she beheaded a snake with her mouth. “We plan to get the hair from our opponents before the game and make voodoo dolls, ” she added. The only help the Lakers need is a neuralyzer from the Men in Black series.

Steve Nash and Pau Gasol are all for the change. They have started wearing the blood of goat virgins at practice. “We are trying our best out there, ” said a smelly Nash. “Fear me,” muffled Gasol from behind the paper bag.

People in the city of Los Angeles are trying to sell the team. The only interest comes from Minnesota, the original owners of The Lakers. “We’re used to losing basketball teams, ” stated Governor Mark Dayton. The Minnesota Timberwolves are said to welcome the buy out as they won’t be worst team in town.

Adam Silver, the NBA commissioner, is planning to set steep penalties for any loss that is embarrassing as the last. “Any team that gets demolish like that is worse than any WNBA team we have, ” he said. If The Laker lose again, he plans to move the Minnesota Lynx, 2013 WNBA champions, to NBA status. The Lakers will move down into the WNBA league and will still have a hard time winning.

Kobe in new Lakers uniforms.

Kobe warming up in the new uniforms .

Players ask for patiences as voodoo magic may take some time. “We’re trying, ” said an embarrassed Kobe. “Well, I am.” Kobe Bryant was last seen eating frog eggs and cat whiskers and chanting in creole. He will be missing the next game against the Denver Nuggets as he has a stomache ache from unknown reasons.

LeBron Suspended For Mask

The Thursday night game, Miami Heat vs New York Knicks, has found the league MVP in hot water. LeBron James has been suspended from the NBA indefinitely for breaking league rules.

“Lebron’s portrayal of Blackface was shameful and will not be tolerated,” stated NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. “I was really offended, and Lebron should have known better.” Mr. Silver was seen turning off his television and shaking his head in disappointment after the game. “The NBA has reached a new low,” he added, “We are not a reality housewives show.” LeBron James has been suspended for breaking player conduct policy that clearly states no player is to participate in Vaudevillian activity during a regulation game.

America is at a standstill to decide if the mask was offensive. “I was disgusted,” said Stanley Ipkiss of Wisconsin. Ipkiss, a Caucasian dairy farmer and NBA enthusiast, forced his children to go to bed early and drank Miller Lites until he had forgotten what he saw. When asked if getting blackout drunk was the best coping mechanism, Ipkiss responded, “Ooh, somebody stop me!”

The African American Community was outraged as well.  Native New Yorker, John Henry Irons, was asked whether he was offended by the mask and replied, “He was wearing a mask?” GUR did not ask any further questions.

LeBron’s co-captain and head coach didn’t see anything wrong with the mask. “He looked like Leather Face and Batman. It was bad ass.” interjected Dwayne Wade.  “He put up 31 points. I don’t care if he wears a KKK hood if he keeps playing like that.” said Head Coach Erik Spoelstra.  Not all teammates were happy with LeBron’s decision. “Man, If I did that, I would have a size 22 shoe in my ass, KAW!, ” said a white teammate who wished to remain anonymous.

LeBron James Wearing A Mask

LeBron James wearing his mask.

Players around the league are weighing in on the incident. Dirk Nowitzki wanted vengeance. “It’s time we make a clear statement that racism and Vaudeville have no place in the NBA. Suspend LeBron! Then start the playoffs really really quickly.” Kevin Durant questioned the media, “What was so offensive? He was trying to protect his broken nose. I don’t get it.” The press remained silent as the tension was thicker than Serena Williams’ thighs. No one moved from their press seats, until Durant left the room. The press sighed in relief because, like always, they didn’t have to ask or answer pressing questions.

Miami fans are in shock as their title chances fade quicker than LeBron’s hair line. Saddened Heat fans are looking to move forward and on to the next bandwagon.  ”I really thought this was going to be their three peat year,” said number one fan Chris Kaman, center for the LA Lakers, “I guess I’ll just have to root for the Thunder now, go Kevin!”

LeBron James will appeal his suspension. He is set to meet with Commissioner Silver this Tuesday and will ask, “What’s the big deal, bitch?” Adam Silver is prepared to answer by showing LeBron the 1986 movie Soul Man.

Millions of Men Who Hate Jason Collins Come Out Of The Closet

Jason Collins makes history.

Jason Collins being interviewed and told that critics are just closet homosexuals

Jason Collins Interview

The first openly gay NBA player took the stage as millions of viewers held on to their passive aggressive comments for 10 seconds. As he played, people  in the arena were excited to see what would happen next. With thousands cheering him on, millions of men at home were getting mad because they have nothing else better to do with their life.

Jason Collins was the first openly gay NBA player to make his critics come out of the closet. “You know I was sitting there thinking of all these derogatory terms to call him and then I realized I’m gay!,” claimed Paul Bibby. Paul is the first openly gay hunter in the Wisconsin region. “I knew it was not right to hate when I realized, I’m hating Jason because I hate myself.” Mr. Bibby said he felt freer of his aggression as soon as he admitted to himself his reality.

At the conclusion of the game, men, who recently came out,  rioted the streets of their local towns. Many reports show  the riots were peaceful as men danced in the streets to classic Cher songs.

Men marching in a parade for gay rights

West Salem, WI after Jason Collin’s Memorable Game

 

Jason Collins finished the game with a giant smile. “I know it might not be a big deal to most, since human rights should applicable to every human being,” he said at the news conference, “but I’m just glad people realized all this hate being spewed is from self hate.” Jason finished the game with a strong 14 points, 3 assists, and 10 stolen hearts.

Also, The Lakers made history as the first team to lose to an openly gay NBA player.  After the game, Kobe congratulated Jason Collins and told the media, “We need to get one of those, um,  how do you politely say, wins.”

Space Jam 2 Stars Unconfirmed

Space Jam 2 is coming to theaters, but the stars may not.

Logo For Space Jam 2

Logo For Space Jam 2

Reports are coming in that Space Jam 2 is not going to have the celebrity factor that it once had. NBA Star Lebron James is not signing on, and no one is sure if the movie will be worth it. Also, reports show that the Looney Tunes’s character, Bugs Bunny, refuses to be apart of the production. The famous cartoon star was quoted. “I’m sick of everyone thinking I am going to be apart of a sequel and no one asks me how I feel! Leave the original story line alone!” Mr. Bunny spends his time following his true passion: dressing up like a woman and confusing a hunter’s sexuality. “I’m a lot happier since I left Hollywood and I’m doing what I love.”

Bugs Bunny Seducing a hunter by dressing as a woman

Bugs Bunny 5 miles outside of Bangor, WI

The studio, scrambling for a replacement, found someone to step up to the plate. Peter Griffin will now be playing the lead cartoon role. Peter is best known for his role in anything Seth McFarland creates. “I’m freakin’ stoked,” interjected Mr. Griffin, “It’s going to be like the time I wore a geisha uniform to Charles Manson’s House Party hehehehehehehe.”

Cut to a party scene where Peter is dressed like a geisha. Charles Manson walks in and says, “You having a good time?” Geisha responds, “I’m have a Gei time. hehehehehehehe.”

Fans are reacting to the news with a positive light. “If anyone can be better than Bugs, it’s Peter,” said Mr. Griffin’s number one fan, his agent.

Other cast members include Tom & Jerry as the Monstars, and Bill Murray as not anywhere near this Titanic.

Production will begin in fall of 2014.

Space Jam 2 Poster

Poster for Space Jam 2