How To Find Your True Love at a Gay Bar in 10 Easy Steps

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Follow these 10 easy steps to find your true love at a gay bar!—

Items you will need:

Weave made out of pigeon parts
Bag of beef jerky
Lonely angst

Step 1      Go to a gay bar.
Step 2      Make sure you gasp loudly at the first guy you see when you walk in and then leave right away.
Step 3      Wait 30 minutes in your car, eat the beef jerky and then come back in.
Step 4      Find the same guy you gasped at. At this point, he is now in love with you.
Step 5      Go to the bathroom and place the pigeon weave on. This will seal the deal with your fella.
Step 6      Fill your pockets with bathroom trash.
Step 7      Find a crevice or hidden area of the bar and lay down.
Step 8      Cover your face with the trash revealing only your eyes.
Step 9      Lie perfectly still staring at everyone walking by.
Step 10    Psst your fella over to you. He will be so flattered by you, that he will ❤ you forever!

Congratulations! You found true love at a gay bar!!!

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Local Woman Gets Nailed on TV

Iowa native, Claire Dibbo, was given the final nail on last night’s season finale of the hit reality show, “Got Wood?” 30-year-old Dibbo was one of sixteen ladies competing for the love of the wooden privacy fence that stands along the property line of 1534 Lexington Ave. In last night’s riveting finale, Dibbo and 20-year-old, Katherine Sefren were the last two ladies hoping to get nailed.

“I never thought Wood would pick me. I’m thirty years old and Wood was just built last year. I thought for sure our age difference would be a factor. But during our final date, he gave me the deepest sliver I have ever had. It was the most painful, yet beautiful night of my life. After that, I had Wood inside of me and there was no 20-year-old tweezer who could remove that.”

As for Sefren, she describes last night’s decision as having her heart “chopped into pieces with an ax.”

“I think I lost because I wasn’t being my true self on the show. I’m a happy person, but I was careful not to be chipper around Wood because I know that would have killed it.”

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Dibbo and Wood share an intimate moment before nailing one another.