You heard it here first. The “I Hit It First” rapper was attacked by a shark while attending Melissa Etheridge’s wedding to Nurse Jackie Creator, Linda Wallem. The couple tied the knot in a small ceremony last night in Montecito, CA, which included famous guests like Edie Falco, Amy Adams and MC Hammer who was officiating the ceremony. According to reports, Ray J showed up at the end of the ceremony with a Kim Kardashian impersonator as his date.
In typical Ray J fashion, no one wanted the pseudo celebrity at the wedding, but he showed up anyway. “Like the rest of America, Melissa only knows Ray J as Brandy’s younger brother who just won’t go away,” said actress Amy Adams. When Ray J arrived, he was clearly drunk and began making a scene. He was going up to each guest and asking if Kanye West was there. When he was told that Kanye West was not in attendance, he freaked out and yelled, “Did y’all know I was all up in his wife first? And I dated Whitney Houston the night she died?” Etheridge and her new bride were visibly upset by this disruption to their beautiful ceremony. It was then that “Pumps And A Bump” rapper turned Minister, MC Hammer, attacked the belligerent Ray J.
Hammer ran up behind Ray J, and bit him with the new shark teeth he had implanted into his mouth last year. Then Hammer’s wife, Elizabeth Hammer opened up the shark tank that sat next to her and unleashed their pet shark, Teethy on him. “Hammer brings Teethy everywhere he goes. Teethy is one of his prized possessions. He loves him so much, he had his dentist implant identical teeth into his mouth,” said good friend and Nurse Jackie star, Edie Falco.
Hammer who once filed for bankruptcy after living a life of over indulgence and extravagance, has regained his fortune thanks to the donations he receives in the name of the Lord from the followers of his church – We Got To Pray Just To Make It Today. As Teethy, who was sporting a brand new pair of Beats Headphones that Hammer gave him as a birthday present, bit into Ray J’s right leg, Hammer bit into the left. Many guests at the wedding were heard yelling, “Please Hammer don’t hurt em,” but that didn’t cease their attack. It wasn’t until Etheridge started singing her Grammy Award winning song, “Come To My Window” that both Teethy and Hammer let Ray J loose and walked in a trans-like-state toward the newlywed.
Ray J was airlifted to a local hospital where both his legs were amputated and his mouth was sewn shut. According to the surgeon who operated on Ray J, the amputation was medically necessary, but sewing his mouth shut was not. “I took the liberty of sewing his mouth shut for the betterment of America. You’re welcome.”