GameStop Now Trading Used Games For Firm Handshakes

GRAPEVINE, TEXAS – Video game retailer GameStop has announced it will begin a new trade-in value system based on firm handshakes, winks, and smiles.

“The game industry is being increasingly dominated by digital distribution, which is to be expected,” said GameStop spokesperson Aaron Christensen. “But in these twilight years of physical media, GameStop wants to send a clear message that your used games still have value in our stores.”

Charts on the company’s website indicate used titles from the latest generation of video game consoles may yield as much as three pats on the back and a warm hug.

“Most PS4 titles will at least get you the handshake,” added Christensen. “Really hot titles like Titanfall will also get you a high five, and PowerUp Rewards members, as always, are entitled to a couple of attaboys. You won’t find value like that with the big box retailers who also have trade-in programs.”

Best Buy representative Ian Ross remarked that the electronics retailer has its own plans in place for a similar tiered trade-in system comprised of fist bumps and approving nods.

“We’re not about to be left behind in this arena,” stated Ross. “Best Buy is going to tie this in with its store-wide rewards program already in place, allowing you to save up those winks and grins in an online account.”

At press time, a customer at an area GameStop was handing over a barely used copy of Wolfenstein: The New Order, prompting a game advisor to open an empty cash register, out of which a lonely tumbleweed promptly rolled, carried on a whistling breeze.