Movie Critic’s New Rating System Stuns ‘Maleficent’ Premiere

A film critic’s new rating system turns Maleficent’s Premiere into a bad time for Brad Pitt.

Ukranian bad boy turned film critic, Vitalii Sediukwas taken down by security guards at the red carpet. Vitalii was giving his first review of Maleficent with his fists. “When I like something, I want to punch it,” claimed Vitalii. “It was so good, I gave it two black eyes.”

Brad Pitt will not be pressing charges as he turned out to be flattered by the review. “He liked my wife’s movie. Thank goodness, because not many critics did,” said Brad. He was such a fan of Vitalli Sediuk’s review he requested his body guards give him a rave review. The film critic earned two black eyes, a broken rib, and a bruised kidney. The critic was flattered.

Vitalli will continue to review movies. His next movie? Mr. Sediuk will head to 22 Jump Street’s Premiere to give it an outstanding four black eyes. “I really liked it, and I will give Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill my review personally.”

If you would like to review movies for blackeyemoviereviews.com, please submit your restraining order in an email with the subject title of “Arrest Me,” to the LAPD. Please include your name, address, phone number, and any erotic fan fiction you may have about a current or past celebrity.

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