Rob Kardashian Absent From Kimye’s Wedding

Yesterday the internet was a buzz with speculation on why Rob Kardashian, brother of Kim Kardashian, did not attend her May 25th nuptials to Kanye West.

There have been multiple reports that the 27-year-old sock designer suffered a great loss this weekend and was therefore unable to attend.

According to his publicist, Rhett Jones, “On Saturday night, Rob lost one of his beloved red-striped socks in the dryer.”

Dryers have claimed the lives of many of socks since their invention in 1942, yet there have been little to no repercussions. “That dryer took his best friend, but there’s nothing he can do about it. The LAPD don’t care. They’re too busy stealing hard-working American’s crack,” said Jones.

Rob’s former best friend, Alex Cuengo has little sympathy for the only Kardashian brother. “It’s a f*cking sock. Rob needs to stop being a little bitch.” According to Cuengo, this behavior is typical of his former bestie. “Rob’s always feeling sorry for himself. Last week he dropped his strawberry shake from Sonic on the ground and then called to say he was ‘too distraught’ to come out for my birthday.”

Rob not only disappointed the entire Kardashian Klan by being absent to his sister’s wedding, but girlfriend, Tasha Fiery as well. “I assumed I was going to be his date, but then I saw a friend post on his Facebook wall, ‘Sorry your date was murdered, bro.’ I’m glad that sock is dead,” said Fiery.

However, there is one person who is extremely sympathetic to Rob’s pain and also feels responsible for it, his maid. “I put the socks in the dryer and it eat it up. I look and I look, but I only find one. I feel so sad. I told Mr Rob and he climbed in the dryer and would not come out.”

Rob took to his Twitter this morning to explain his absence.
(Via Twitlonger): Anyone who’s lost someone they love knows what I’m going thru. Leftie was part of my +2 to the wedding. He RSVP’d for steak & lobster. It would have been too painful and too tempting to have to stare at his full plate during the reception. One day my family will understand my decision. Kim will marry again and I promise not to miss that wedding.

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This situation socks.

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