California Chrome with a nasal strip.

California Chrome’s Nasal Strip Speaks Out

It what appears to be the first words from the closed camp, California Chrome’s nasal strip is speaking out on his possible banning from the Belmont Stakes. In a press conference, the nasal strip states, “all these bitches wanna be on my jock.” The nasal strip continued to add, “I’m here because he snores, dick weeds!”

California Chrome suffers from sleep apnea and states the nasal strip is only there to protect him from dying at night. The horse refuses to use a breathing machine as he is part amish, and he refuses to use anything with the electrical force of the devil.

Co-owner of California Chrome, Perry Martin, is willing to stick up for the horse’s need. “This horse needs the strip bar, just like a rich married man needs the strip bar,” he shouted into a wall. Mr. Martin was speaking to the wall because he was recently put into a time out by his mother. “No one can stop me, my mom says so,” he explained. His mother quickly shushed him and told him to serve the rest of his time out in silence or she would add another 10 minutes. Moments of whimpering were heard from Perry as GUR left his home.

We reached out to California Chrome because critics accused that the nasal strip gave him a competitive advantage. But, all of our questions were answered with nays.

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