Book Cover Review

Judgin’ A Book By It’s Cover: Taken By A Vampire by Joey W. Hill

This week’s review is Taken By A Vampire by Joey W. Hill. This review is in no way about the story. I commend authors, but I demean unrealistic covers.

So, will you do both of our laundry?

So, will you do both of our laundry?

Let’s be honest, what woman wants two men in her life? That’s another man that doesn’t have enough time for chores because he’s ‘tired.’ Maybe, they’re gay best friends meeting up for happy hour. These ‘friends’ are fibbing their way to dry-hump town. I could see how you would mistake them for gay because they are well groomed. Its the ole ‘fake gay to get close to her’ trick, that so many woman have awkwardly dealt with. If you ever hear the phrase, “Do you want us to go back to your place to give interior designs of your boobs, I mean place,” run.

Vampires? No. Bikers. Yes. These two are treating the girl like she was just fresh out of the Harley Davidson Factory. “Dude, check out this front tire,” is met with, “smell this leather!” If there is anything I have learned in life is that you don’t treat a lady like a motorcycle. I mean you could, if you don’t want any ladies in your life. Obviously, if they wanted to get farther with this woman, they would take her to a spa. Let her relax and join her in the festivities of gossip over her one coworker that always stares her down. Find out how it all started because they wore the same shirt on Causal Friday, and how it got worse because she wouldn’t wear the cardigan she brought.

There is an excessive amount of smoke to be considered healthy. I’m sure no one noticed it, while the bearded vampire coughed into the woman’s mouth. Or  are these ‘vampires’ are hot boxing? “If we get her high, she’ll be into dry humping,” shouted the short haired vampire over the fog machine, to which the other replied, “WHAT?!” Most likely, the smoke was created by the woman’s sense of insecurity. No woman likes to be naked in the full light, or if it is on, she’s already in the bed covered by the blankets. I’m sure even the sexiest woman would still like to cover one part of her body. Let us not forget that our society breeds an unhealthy sense of insecurity into women. All women are beautiful, even the one with a lazy eye. Because let’s face it men, if she’s with us… we’re goddamn lucky to have her around.

Is every vampire white? Every single one on the planet? Or is this cover just pushing out minorities? I remember when there was a time minorities vampires were acceptable. A time when different cultures of vampires came together to feed on unsuspecting victims. Can we bring back the time of ‘Blade’ with Wesley Snipes, or did him not paying taxes ruin it for all of us minorities? We had an IN Wes, we had an in…

Overall, this cover get’s a D-. It’s rated that high because it made me laugh. If I could change anything, it would be the entire cover. Could we please get some 2014 interracial themes happening. I know vampires are meant to be pale, but I’ve seen several African-Americans, Hispanics, and Asian-Pacifics afraid of the sun. IT’S 2014 PEOPLE!!! RACIAL EQUALITY SHOULD BE A GIVEN.

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