Bowie, MD — Fast food chain restaurants in a small Maryland town are taking a stand against what they call “Agressive Bullying.”
The towns four fast food chains of Taco Bell, Burger King, McDonald’s, and Shakey’s Pizza are claiming rights are being infringed. “If we don’t sell this food, we don’t get paid,” said Phil Stevens, a manager of Taco Bell. “I have kids to healthily feed,” he added.
The group wants an equal voice in the fight against obesity. In order to garner attention, they have started picketing local middle school athletics. “If children can be told what not to eat, then we can tell what to eat.” Some picket signs include ‘Being Fat is the New Cool’, and ‘Stop Chasing Titties, Grow Your Own.’ Sheriff Winston was asked to disband the civil unrest, but he would not move from the comfort of his police car. He stated quick his hands were tied. Parents claim that the 324 lbs sheriff is being paid off. When questioned, he refused to comment as his mouth was full from a pizza taco burger.
News is reaching the top as Michelle Obama has stated, “If they don’t stop harassing those kids, I’m gonna take my earrings off.” The First Lady is closely monitoring the situation.
The fight against childhood obesity started in 2010 when a jiggle contest replaced the spelling bee. Ever since, fast food profits have been falling. Economist predict that if they the trend continues, fast food chains will over work their current work force until exhaustion forces them to quit, so they can hire new people at lower rates.
The four fast food restaurants promise to stop when “a choice is given to children who are easily persuaded,” and when they can hand out free food to their friends without repercussions.