Nachos Are Good For You Says Local Fitness Expert

A plate of nachos with cheese and salsa.

“Eat More Nachos.”

Tom Johansen, a fitness trainer, is claiming nachos are good for you.

“All that gooey melted cheese on chips is as healthy as a piece of broccoli covered in gooey melted cheese,” stated Mr. Johansen. The boisterous claim was made from his self funded fitness expo: Gimme Money. The expo is in it’s 4th year and claims to have several speakers from mortgage companies, pyramid schemes, and banking industry experts.

Tom Johansen conducted a yearlong study, and he concluded that Americans spend their money when they want to lose weight. In a statement released by Johansen’s company, Get You Fat Then Give Me Money, INC., there can be only one way to make money in fitness and that is to make people fat.

Pizza Hut, McDonalds’, and Burger King are teaming up to put a cease and desist order on the fitness trainer. “He can’t let the cat out of the bag,” said Daniel S. Schwartz, CEO of Burger King. Mr. Schwartz, also known as Richard Simmons, claims many fast food restaurants have been making money on the vicious cycle.

Many local residents don’t realize the connection between BK and Simmons, but are said to have a faint recollection of that fact. Hyde Clark felt suckered,” what’s the point in being skinny if I can’t eat what I want?” Hyde plans to spend the winter eating. “I’m done playing this game. I’m married. I don’t have to try.”

Doctors and nutritionists are backing Johansen’s claims, because they receive part of the profits.

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