After many harrowing matches, millions of brackets destroyed and the occasional torrential rains of fire, March Descent Into Madness is now down to the final four: Laughing Maniacally Into Cracked Mirrors, Hissing at Those Who Displease You, Revenge Pooping and Never Blinking.
These teams have edged their ways to their top, battling foe after foe. Revenge Pooping beat out the terrifying but also oddly soothing Everything is Tentacles Now?. Hissing at Those Who Displease You stomped out Belief that Air Bud Is a Documentary, leaving their opponents shaking their fists at the sky and muttering about how “Air Bud: Golden Receiver” is “the real truth.” Never Blinking ultimately won out over Not Wearing Sunscreen Because It Makes You Invisible to God, but you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone in attendance that would say it wasn’t a good game with two well-matched players, even if you brandished a knife and demanded to hear otherwise. One of the most controversial matches, Laughing Maniacally Into Cracked Mirrors vs. Paranoia that Harrison Ford Will Steal Your Shoes, ended with a surprise move in which Harrison Ford, star of “Indiana Jones” and “Regarding Henry,” laughed maniacally into a cracked mirror while holding a pair of presumably stolen red pumps. Game officials had a tough call to make, but ultimately sided with Laughing Maniacally Into Cracked Mirrors, a decision that will not doubt live in infamy for many disappointed fans for years to come.
This year, we’re changing up the competition to include two wild cards. These teams may appear in any match (as well as in your dreams. Sorry about that in advance) at any time without warning or regard for human life. Our two wild card teams are Wearing Candy Necklaces as Warning to Other Candy and Sexual Jealousy of Clouds. Of course, this means that one of these resurrected teams can potentially win the championship on April 7.
Which March Descent Into Madness team are you rooting for to go all the way? Cheer on your favorite by displaying one of these cover photos on Facebook: