Secretary of State John Kerry Addresses Ukraine Crisis By Appearing Very Concerned in Photos

Secretary of State Kerry expressing grave concern

Secretary of State Kerry expressing grave concern

The U.S. has launched a diplomatic push to address the ongoing crisis between Russia and Ukraine. Leading the effort to respond to Russia’s annexation of Crimea and amassing of 50,000 Russian troops along their border with Ukraine, Secretary of State John Kerry has decided to appear appropriately concerned in every photo that has been taken of him since the crisis has escalated.

The strategy seems to be paying off. “I’ve never seen Secretary Kerry express such a chilling combination of stoicism and dismay,” said Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov following a meeting of the two diplomats over the weekend. “Making Mr. Kerry appear much less concerned, perhaps even having him smile goofily, is definitely in Russia’s long-term national security interests.”

Not everyone agrees that this approach will be effective. “You call that concerned!?” exclaimed Sen. John McCain (R-Garden of Eden). “Secretary Kerry is out of his depth,” said McCain, who released his own very concerned photographs. “Look at the photo of me in front of the flag. This is me when I accidentally make a boo-boo in my britches. Imagine how concerned I would look while contemplating the Russian threat. Secretary Kerry should stick to taking ‘selfies’ with Indonesian youths.”

Sen. John McCain (R-Garden of Eden) making a boo-boo

Sen. John McCain (R-Garden of Eden) making a boo-boo

The “selfies” remark is in reference to a photo the Secretary took with a group of students in Jakarta in February, before the Russia-Ukraine crisis begun. “Secretary Kerry is concerned about Sen. McCain’s concern regarding his level of concern,” said Kerry’s Chief of Staff, David Wade. “The two men will be meeting this week to discuss their concerns regarding the proper level of concern which should be expressed going forward during this diplomatic crisis.”

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“I usually only do this with white children.”

When asked for comment on this story, an aide close to Russian President Vladimir Putin said simply, “He’s not that concerned.

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