Quicken Loans is safe for now.
The chances of winning dropped for millions of Americans as Ohio State loss to Dayton 60 to 59. There are still brackets with the upset, but they all come from Columbus, OH. A group of twelve young men are ever closer to winning the money, but it’s no coincidence they are the Buckeye basketball team.
Ohio State’s loss means they are one step closer to claiming the billion dollars. “We all got together as a team, and said we need a billion dollars more than a championship,” said Buckeye Guard Andrew Goldstein. “We knew everyone would pick us, so we didn’t pick ourselves.” The team picked a bracket where they did not move on to the second round. After the conclusion of the game, many Buckeye players were seen cheering and streaking the audience.
The Dayton Flyers move on winners on the outside, but extremely depressed on the inside. “My bracket is busted,” claimed Dayton’s forward, Devin Olviver. The Flyer’s new plan is to bust all bracket now, since they have no chance of winning a billion dollars. Dayton is trying to solve their busted bracket by asking the NCAA for a redo game.
If you didn’t catch the game on television, consider your self lucky. Both teams tried hard to give the other team the win. The game’s peak when players from Ohio State’s bench were heckling their own free throw shooters. Buckeye players kept chanting ‘think of the cash, or will give you a thrash,’ and distracted the shooter with ‘yo mama’ jokes.
Ohio State super fan, Mitch McMill, is still passionate for his school. “Dems boys are geniuses!” claimed the toothless super fan. “I’m getting round one exit tattooed on my arm today!” Mr. McMil proclaims his love of OSU by telling everyone how great the school is that he never attended.