As you would expect, millions of insanity fans everywhere are rushing to complete their March Descent into Madness brackets before tonight’s deadline. With a bracket full of heated match-ups (Hissing at those who displease you vs. Not casting a shadow and Sleep-fighting vs. Constantly wearing a wedding dress, anyone?), making predictions can be agonizing for many a spectator. However, some fans we spoke to were willing to share some insight about whom they forecast will triumph and who will go home empty-handed.
For insanity fan Eric Mantooth of South Bend, Ind., there’s no question in his mind who will be victorious in this year’s competition. “Totally Sexual feelings toward mustard all the way. No doubt in my mind. They’ve been incredible strong all season, and they’re hungry to win. “Plus,” Mantooth added while blushing, “Whole grain Dijon mustard makes me so incredibly hot. You don’t even know, bro.”
However, Savannah Furrey of Yakima, Wash., thinks the contest is not so clear-cut. “Well, I picked Confusing numbers with ways to kill to win it all, but, honestly, I think it will be bloodbath between Paranoia that Harrison Ford will steal your shoes, Paranoia that Harrison Ford won’t steal your shoes and Considering car wrecks a turn-on. Also, I’m still stunned that Bloodbath isn’t in the running this year, but I guess they’ve really been plagued by injuries, mostly from the actual bloodbath.”
Ratcheting up the drama for the competition, actor and madman Randy Quaid has offered to give one billion ferrets both real and imagined to anyone with a perfect bracket. This coveted prize has caused many fans like Paul Dancemother of Ada, Okla., to put considerably more thought into their brackets as usual.
“Usually, I just fill out a bracket just for fun for the old office poll, but this year, I seriously considered each and every seed,” said Dancemother. “Normally, I would have just gone with my old favorites, Collecting dollheads so Oprah will live forever, Believing green M&Ms are harbingers of doom and aggressive dog petting. But with my more careful calculations, I concluded that Constantly setting fires has both an incredibly strong defense and offense. I know that chances are slim to none, but I’m confident I’ve given it my best shot. I really want those ferrets.”
Of course, only time will tell who will ultimately take home the big prize at this year’s March Descent Into Madness, which starts this evening on the moon. Stay tuned to Grown Up Recess for updates and upsets.