It’s time for this week’s Judgin’ a Book By It’s Cover.
This week, Melissa Foster brings us Lovers at Heart: The Bradens. The review is in no way about the book, but what the cover tells me. I commend anyone who finishes writing a book, but demean all unrealistic covers.
First of all, kissing in the sand: no. If I got my girlfriend pinned down in the sand, I would get two upside the head for:
- Pushing her.
- Getting sand in her hair.
The amount of time spent on a ladies hair is correlated to the amount of time she will hit you if you ruin it. Is she making her hair nice and culry for me? No, it’s for other ladies, it’s so she’s not the ugliest girl in the room. Fella’s let this be a clear lesson for you, she ain’t getting ready for you, she’s doing it so other women don’t judge her.
Next, being on top of a woman… not realistic. The only way you can be on top of a lady is if you buy her jewelry. I don’t see any new jewelry on this broad. If you are on top, make sure you put on your weight on your arms… this guy is suffocating her. If this was my girlfriend, she would have told me to get up because I’m pinching her hip. And if your lady has a sore hip, you’re going to have a sore time. If there is one thing I know about women, and it’s not a lot, it’s that they don’t like being pinned down by something 50lbs heavier. If she wanted that, she would buy fake DDD boobs. Let’s be honest, the only kind of sand bag your girl wants on top of her is the boobie kind.
I would give this cover a D- because of how unrealistic it is. I understand romance novels are suppose to entertain some sort of fantasy element, but everything in this screams, ‘this guy is going to get his ass kicked once he’s done pulling stupid shit.’ He should have brought a blanket, then I would have given it a B.