Kidnapping Rates Drop As Abductors Realize Kids Are Annoying

Fred Nortey is giving up the Abduction game.

Fred Nortey Is Selling His Vehicle.

A local area abductor says he’s closing up shop.

Fred Nortey says business has changed, and he’s moving on to greener pastures. The local abductor has been taking kids since 1974, but says now it’s not worth it. “Them kids is a annoying as fudge,’ claimed Fred. He will have a garage sale to get rid of his Volkswagen Van. “It use to be you take a kid and get ransom, now you got to entertain the little twerps. It’s no wonder parents need a break.”

Mr. Nortey plans to start a daycare business. “It keeps me near the kids, but I can give them back at the end of the day,” he said. The daycare will be off of Main and 3rd St. and will go by the name of ‘This Dirty Van Has Puppies’.

As the rates in child abductions fall, we notice more annoying children where we like to be entertained. GUR will continue to put up with annoying children by complaining to our small group of friends at coffee meeting.


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