Negril, Jamaica; Cancun, Mexico; South Padre Island, Texas; Panama City Beach, Florida – we’ve fallen down those drunken roads too many times. Boobs for beads, dirty foam parties and molly-induced psychosis can be had anywhere in the world. Ladies you can enter that wet t-shirt contest that is sure to turn into a wet Brazilian wax contest (that is if you want to win the BIG prize – Instagram humiliation) anywhere in the world. So why are you still going to the same played-out party destinations? Guys, don’t you want a new backdrop for the “dick pics” you will inevitably send to that special lady who you refer to as “That turnt up trick with the silver dollar nipples”? Well, according to a recent survey from Fox News, the answer to those questions is a resounding YES!
This spring break, teens, college students, super seniors and creepy dudes in their 50’s have made the decision to black-out in more unique destinations, which will ensure that spring break 2014 will be the best vacation you’ve ever had while on Facebook the entire time.
Here are 2014’s Spring Break Destinations That’ll Blow Your LOAD:
1. Honduras! Your street cred will surely rise after a visit to a nation with one of the highest murder rates in the world! I mean let’s be honest, you’re going to be so drunk and pilled-up that you won’t even feel a good stabbing.
2. Detroit, Michigan! Not only will The D keep you on your toes with its high crime rate, but the exhaust-filled air in Motor City will get you high for FREE, which means you’ll have more money to give your attacker when you’re getting robbed on the street.
3. Mount Everest! Now this is the ultimate spring break destination. You’re going to disregard your health anyway so why not do so in one of the most beautiful places in the world!?! Everest is kind of like Vegas only your odds are better. For every 100 expeditions up the mountain, there are 4.3 fatalities. Also you’re going to be sharing bodily fluids with your friends at any other spring break destination so why not take that trust to the next level give and yourself the opportunity to possibly eat one or .3 of your friends on the way up? Yummy!
4. North Korea! The scenery, fancy hotels and the fact that everyone’s name is easy to remember because it’s always Kim are travel perks that are definitely worth the country’s massive restrictions. Facebook is restricted throughout the country, but that’s okay. Just let go and let the North Korean Government be your Facebook. They’re going to monitor, judge and possibly “unfriend” you (prison party) regardless, so let them be responsible for capturing the lack of US diplomacy and your frightening memories frozen in time. Plus, you won’t have to worry about losing your phone or drunkenly dropping it and cracking the screen because they don’t allow phones or alcohol for visiting Americans. Score!
Hello! It’s a pleasure to beat you. You can call us ALL Kim!
5. And finally, Antarctica! It’s the perfect spring break destination because everyone will have to be pressed up against each other just to stay alive. That’s right, you get to smash yourself into every gal and guy as the temperatures drop below 60 degrees celsius. And this destination is breath-taking…literally due to its super powerful winds. So hang on tight to your fellow spring breaker’s genitals because this is going to be the CoooooooolDEST time of your life. PS…Penguins are sexy.
And there you have it. The top 5 Spring Break destinations for 2014. Have fun and party like these are the last nights of your life…because they probably are.