Woman With OCD Regrets Getting Invisalign

“I thought it’d be a good idea, but it’s been hell,” said 34-year-old Courtney Literbottum. Despite the fact that she just got her Invisalign retainers yesterday, Literbottum is unsure if her mouth will ever again be truly clean.

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 If I touch the knobs on my stove once a day until my fingers bleed, I will finish grad school.

Litterbottum was instructed by her dentist to remove her Invisalign retainers when eating and then brush both her teeth and the retainers before she puts them back on. It is also mandatory that she wear her retainers 22 hours a day. “I’ve already brushed my teeth fifty-two times today and I haven’t even eaten anything,” said Literbottum while snapping her fingers until she gets it “just right.”

Before Invisalign, Literbottum brushed her teeth twelve times a day. “I only stay awake twelve hours out of the day so naturally it makes sense that I would brush my teeth once every hour I am conscious.”

Literbottum’s therapist, Jeffrey Selsman encouraged her to get Invisalign. “Let’s face it. It’s not like she’s going to get any better. As long as she’s willing to pay the hundred dollar co-pay and I can bill her insurance company for each visit, that crazy bitch can brush her teeth until they fall out.” Literbottum admits that her therapist’s tactics are unconventional; however, she can’t bring herself to find a new therapist. “I have thought of going to see a new therapist, but every time I leave his office, I have to drive back to the parking lot and re-park my car twenty-one and a half times  in the exact same spot so that my mom won’t die. So far, so good.”

Literbottum is still planning on going forward with her Invisalign for fear that if she doesn’t, dinosaur dung will fall from the sky and her Honda Civic will blow up.

For more information on OCD, re-read this story one-hundred times while counting your eyelashes. It’s the only way to retain information.

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