In what comes as no surprise for the Laker season, Kobe Bryant has been ruled out of play. “Thank god, that shit was embarrassing,” said a disgruntled Kobe.
The rest of the team seems to be following suit by not trying. “We knew he would give up near the end, so we weren’t even going to try,” said Steve Nash the NBA’s oldest player. The team plans to spend the next games playing grab ass. “It keeps it fun for us,” said Nash. Grab ass is where one player touches another player’s ass without them knowing who did it.
Not all in the Lakers organization are excited. Mike D’Antoni, Head Coach, is upset that he is being let go at the end of the season. “That stinks,” he said. D’Antoni feels wanted when he’s working. “Even though we’re losing, people talk to me. Now, I won’t have anyone to talk to. Sad face.” D’Antoni plans to spend his time off calling other teams to see if they need a losing record.
The Kobe inspiration is hitting the City of Los Angeles hard. As many believe, if Kobe can, I can too. “I was suppose to graduate high school this year, but I’d rather wait,” claimed Ken Moore, a 3rd year Senior at Hollywood High. The Kobe struggle is going international as many of the lawn care workers in LA have stopped working. “We Kobe,” revealed Miguel Garcia.
What will Kobe do with his time off? Kobe Bryant plans to spend the offseason making fun of people with normal jobs, and finding a way to quit his responsibilities in the 2014-15 season.