Lakers Turn To Voodoo For Help

Pau Gasol with a paper bag over his head

Pau Gasol in the 4th against The LA Clippers

The Los Angeles Lakers embarrassing 48 point loss to the Los Angeles Clippers leaves the Lakers in a pickle.

The home team was decimated in what only seemed like an NBA Jam video game. Pau Gasol took to the night by placing a brown paper bag over his head late in the 4th.

The Lakers answer is voodoo. Today, the team hired Voodoo Queen Sheva Florez to become the Head Coach. “I will do my best to use dark magic to help our team win, ” stated a happy Coach Flores as she beheaded a snake with her mouth. “We plan to get the hair from our opponents before the game and make voodoo dolls, ” she added. The only help the Lakers need is a neuralyzer from the Men in Black series.

Steve Nash and Pau Gasol are all for the change. They have started wearing the blood of goat virgins at practice. “We are trying our best out there, ” said a smelly Nash. “Fear me,” muffled Gasol from behind the paper bag.

People in the city of Los Angeles are trying to sell the team. The only interest comes from Minnesota, the original owners of The Lakers. “We’re used to losing basketball teams, ” stated Governor Mark Dayton. The Minnesota Timberwolves are said to welcome the buy out as they won’t be worst team in town.

Adam Silver, the NBA commissioner, is planning to set steep penalties for any loss that is embarrassing as the last. “Any team that gets demolish like that is worse than any WNBA team we have, ” he said. If The Laker lose again, he plans to move the Minnesota Lynx, 2013 WNBA champions, to NBA status. The Lakers will move down into the WNBA league and will still have a hard time winning.

Kobe in new Lakers uniforms.

Kobe warming up in the new uniforms .

Players ask for patiences as voodoo magic may take some time. “We’re trying, ” said an embarrassed Kobe. “Well, I am.” Kobe Bryant was last seen eating frog eggs and cat whiskers and chanting in creole. He will be missing the next game against the Denver Nuggets as he has a stomache ache from unknown reasons.


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