California lawmakers are finally getting wise to the internet.
On Friday, Senator Joel Anderson (R) submitted a bill that spawned from his all night Netflix binge. The bill submitted would be to ban Orcas from doing anything Sea World related. “They have some great documentaries, ” he added. The plan is to release laws based on the documentaries on Netflix. When asked what was next, he said he would release bills on putting the Bluths in jail, protecting zombies from murder, and legislation to prevent Frank Underwood Jr. from becoming the President to the United States.
Lawmakers would like Sea World to stop using Orcas. We asked Senator Anderson what would happen if he couldn’t get the bill to passed to law. The senator said he saw such a documentary for this matter. The senator would hire an inuit vegan to guide a child to free the whale. When confronted that this was the plot to Free Willy, Senator Anderson said it was the most heartfelt documentary he had ever seen.
Much of the public was surprised by the stiff legislation as it has nothing to do with them. “I drive through 3 pot holes everyday,” revealed Paul K. Fringe, a local bus driver. As children in low income neighborhoods are forced to walk home, many are wondering if the legislature is spending money correctly.
The California legislature is going to resolve the public issues by having a meeting about it. “We can’t just fix things directly, there has to be a process where we talk about the process,” claimed Senator Orr Kah (D). The California State Senate plans to mill over the idea, while rich lobbyist guide their thoughts towards directions that won’t help the public.
An outraged group is planning to march on the state capital by showing up and yelling about a process they don’t understand. In times like these, one can only goto Netfilx and put on a documentary to see how one should feel. If it’s good enough for our lawmakers, it’s good enough for us.
Currently, research papers and books are throwing their hands into the air in exasperation. “Does anyone know we exist with facts?,” yelled The Bible. Books are starting a petition to be signed at local groceries to continue to be ignored.