Lindsay Lohan is scaring her friends.
Lindsay has not complained in months and her friends are worried. “Usually, she has an empty opinion, and now she’s doesn’t talk. It’s like she wants to stop sounding like a jackass,” claims best friend iPhone 5s.
Lindsay is preparing for the release her new reality show. But, Oprah’s OWN Network isn’t sure how it will turn out. “She hasn’t said one thing in weeks, ” added producer Tim Reyes. “She reads the whole time and tries to build her own opinions.” Like all reality TV show networks, OWN has banned anyone’s own opinion from the air. The show almost pulled the plug when Lindsay stop being egotistical and started caring for people around her. “She offered us a glass of water, ” Tim revealed. And as we all know, being considerate is not good TV.
Lohan’s fans are going to see a new persona. One that confidently knows she is more than a pretty face. “You mean I’m not suppose to want to be loved for being pretty?,” revealed 11 year old super fan Jolene Frego. “It’s so confusing from what television tells me.”
Where does this new perspective come from? Lindsay Lohan learned to read and is building her own opinions by reading biographies of late great black men. Some titles include The Autobiography of Malcolm X, Up from Slavery, and Who is Michelle Obama?.
“I don’t have to fake a personality, ” quotes Lindsay. “I can be my own person and I hope little girls everywhere will aspire for education.”
The news shocks Hollywood as TV executives are scrambling to block women empowerment. “Who’s going to show us their boobies?!,” stated an anonymous head of NBC. “Lindsay use to be something I wanted to dry hump, ” he added ,” Now, I have to listen to her talk; she’ like my wife!!” The anonymous executive was asked if he would watch the show. “No, I won’t. But, I’ll make my daughter watch it. I make her steer clear of that fake wanting to be a celeb, and this ‘opinion’ sounds nice.”
Lindsay Lohan can be at the library on Sunset Ave.