College Board Admits US Children Are Dumber

Student taking outdated SAT

A Student taking the outdated SAT.

The College Board is changing the SAT to an easier format.

“We want our children to succeed,”  stated a calm College Board President, David Coleman. The change is due because children are failing the same test adults had to take 10 years ago. Anything in the SAT that is difficult and measures intelligence has been taken out.

The new SAT may come as a surprise. Reading, essays, and math have been exchanged for the three shape test. A test administrator will give the students differently shaped blocks. They will have to find the holes that correspond. Students will have three hours to complete the test. A fifteen minute break will be administered as to not overload the student.

The blocks from the new SAT test

New SAT Test

Millions of adults who went through the older version are pissed. “Those dick holes get it easy,” shouted an angry Bill Watters. Bill is currently attending Arizona State University, and yelled, “I could have been accepted into Phoenix University Online if it wasn’t for that damn SAT.”

Parents feel differently as their children are seemingly smarter. “I can finally buy that bumper sticker,” claimed a happy Martha Flemke. Stores are currently sold out of ‘My High School Student is Smarter Than A Fifth Grader’, but more are being ordered.

Ivy League schools have disqualified the SAT completely. “If someone could write us a letter with correct grammar, we would find them more qualified,” shared Yale President, Peter Salovey. “We hold ourselves to standards and they will not be broken!” Yale is currently accepting students of rich parents and overcharging those that worked hard to be there.

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