Gold Coins Forcibly Lent To US Mint

The US Mint needs money, and it’s taking it from anyone.

After the US Mint took the gold coins from a California couple, they went on a rampage. On the way back to Washington, they stopped at Circle K and took Stan Klech’s winning ten dollar scratch ticket. Stan shouted that he won and the US Mint claimed that those winnings were stolen from them decades ago. “I guess someone hid ten dollars in the winning scratch ticket, ” he lamented. Stan lives in depression, because he was ten dollars short from a desperately needed heart surgery that cost ten dollars that day.

The US Mint justifies the process by claiming they are getting out of debt. “You don’t understand how debt works, ” revealed Reggie Flank, head of the US Mint, “America prints money and causes inflation, and you pay to even it out.” Currently, millions of Americans are answering their door to debt claims from the US Mint. Jehovah’s Witnesses are a welcomed sight compared to the government agency.

The attitude of the asshole stems from the days of the 1930s. After the great depression, the US Mint became a dick. Children’s folklore grew of them and grandparents are still afraid to say ‘Mintie Man,’ three times fast in a dark bathroom.

A picture of the Mintie Man

Kids Are Afraid Of The Mintie Man

Reports show no one is safe.  The US Mint is stopping by children’s birthday parties and asking for their birthday money. They claim the children’s money received for their birthday was taken from the US Mint decades ago.

Children are fed up. Millions of them are marching on Washington for their birthday money. An official press release from the US Mint states that these children should get a job and be drug tested for living off their parents.

As for the California couple, they plan to never involve the press to gain attention. Instead, they’ll keep secrets to themselves like a good American should.

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