Forbes makes fools of billionaires, and the repercussions are on the way.
Millions of criminals have their targets with the release of Forbes Annual Billionaires Issue. “I memorize their faces and I take from them, ” sneakily said Slimy Sal, the world’s most notable pick pocket. The mustache gentleman with beard stubble adds a maniacal laugh after each sentence. Slimey Sal is now living in Silicone Valley with his notorious crew, The Stealy Boys. “We got the name from our favorite artist: Steely Dan.”
Billionaires are scared for their wallet’s lives. “I wouldn’t care. I can buy more like it, ” claimed a slightly scared Bill Gates. “I’m the richest man, I can buy anything.” GUR reporter, Xchel Hernandez, could not remember what was said after because he sold his voice recorded for 200 dollars. Bill Gates spends his time worrying by swimming in his money Scrooge McDuck style.
Police are beefing up security for the imminent pick pocket doom. “We took everyone off those petty murder cases to protect the rich,” revealed Chief of Police Phil Sheppard. The surprise comes to those in the lower and middle class as crime rates rise. “We know who doesn’t pay their taxes and we want to make sure they’re ok,” added the Chief of Police.
Forbes is taking flack from the Billionaires who were outed. “If they don’t tell me what poor people to blame for this, I’ll fire them!,” screamed Editor In Chief, Steve Forbes. He quickly left in his pin stripe time machine with ass massage seats.
Forbes is planning to make rich people happy by releasing Forbes Top 10 Socioeconomic People To Blame. This article will be released on the Richternet, an internet designed for rich people, and given away with each billion dollars deposited into a bank.