Oscar Nominations Go Off The Deep End

The Oscars nominees are questioning their role in the festival.

The 86th Academy Awards is tonight, but everyone is confused by the last minute addition of new nominees. “We at the Academy Awards want to celebrate the essence of Hollywood.” That’s right, as hundreds of homeless were shipped off of Hollywood Blvd., some were asked to come back and participate in the awards ceremony.

Homeless man on the red carpet

Smelly Belly Shelly At the Oscar Red Carpet with Costars

For the first time in The Academy’s 86th year history, the homeless will be celebrated. Performances will include homeless  in ‘How To  Set Up Your Sleep Box,’ with Missing Teeth McGee, “I Have No Insurance for Mental Health,” by Sandra 5, and “Royals,” by Lorde.

Cheryl Boone Isaacs, President of the Academy of Motion Pictures and Sciences, is extremely happy to be shedding light on the problem. “It’s time we invite these brethren, and enjoy their art.” Ms. Boone Isaacs thought of the idea when shooing away homeless people with a broom. “It’s just makes sense, it’s cheaper, and I don’t feel guilty for moving them.”

Security is keeping out civilians, but letting in the homeless. As a guest of the Academy Awards, the homeless will be walking the red carpet and enjoying complimentary showers. Smelly Belly Shelly says it’s a dream come true. “I always wanted to -KILL ALL HUMANS – enjoy – KILLING HUMANS – watching – HUMANS DEAD – the Oscars in – BODIES – person.”

The homeless in the audience of the oscars

Homeless in the audience at the oscars

Not all homeless people are happy, “I was snubbed!,” screamed Stinky Feet Pete. “I’ve been giving it my homeless all from the time I laid my first brick in my pants.” As to whether Stinky Feet Pete was going to watch the Oscars, ” Hell no, I’ll just google the winners on my phone in my head!”

ABC is happy to accommodate the new guests. They know The Oscars are the number one reality show on their network. The Bachelor was reached for comment, but what they said wasn’t important because no one watches that show.

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