The Thursday night game, Miami Heat vs New York Knicks, has found the league MVP in hot water. LeBron James has been suspended from the NBA indefinitely for breaking league rules.
“Lebron’s portrayal of Blackface was shameful and will not be tolerated,” stated NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. “I was really offended, and Lebron should have known better.” Mr. Silver was seen turning off his television and shaking his head in disappointment after the game. “The NBA has reached a new low,” he added, “We are not a reality housewives show.” LeBron James has been suspended for breaking player conduct policy that clearly states no player is to participate in Vaudevillian activity during a regulation game.
America is at a standstill to decide if the mask was offensive. “I was disgusted,” said Stanley Ipkiss of Wisconsin. Ipkiss, a Caucasian dairy farmer and NBA enthusiast, forced his children to go to bed early and drank Miller Lites until he had forgotten what he saw. When asked if getting blackout drunk was the best coping mechanism, Ipkiss responded, “Ooh, somebody stop me!”
The African American Community was outraged as well. Native New Yorker, John Henry Irons, was asked whether he was offended by the mask and replied, “He was wearing a mask?” GUR did not ask any further questions.
LeBron’s co-captain and head coach didn’t see anything wrong with the mask. “He looked like Leather Face and Batman. It was bad ass.” interjected Dwayne Wade. “He put up 31 points. I don’t care if he wears a KKK hood if he keeps playing like that.” said Head Coach Erik Spoelstra. Not all teammates were happy with LeBron’s decision. “Man, If I did that, I would have a size 22 shoe in my ass, KAW!, ” said a white teammate who wished to remain anonymous.
Players around the league are weighing in on the incident. Dirk Nowitzki wanted vengeance. “It’s time we make a clear statement that racism and Vaudeville have no place in the NBA. Suspend LeBron! Then start the playoffs really really quickly.” Kevin Durant questioned the media, “What was so offensive? He was trying to protect his broken nose. I don’t get it.” The press remained silent as the tension was thicker than Serena Williams’ thighs. No one moved from their press seats, until Durant left the room. The press sighed in relief because, like always, they didn’t have to ask or answer pressing questions.
Miami fans are in shock as their title chances fade quicker than LeBron’s hair line. Saddened Heat fans are looking to move forward and on to the next bandwagon. ”I really thought this was going to be their three peat year,” said number one fan Chris Kaman, center for the LA Lakers, “I guess I’ll just have to root for the Thunder now, go Kevin!”
LeBron James will appeal his suspension. He is set to meet with Commissioner Silver this Tuesday and will ask, “What’s the big deal, bitch?” Adam Silver is prepared to answer by showing LeBron the 1986 movie Soul Man.