Apple Spends Profits Ridiculously

Tim Cook, Apple Inc, CEO, has taken his billion dollar profit and turned it into a foolish spending trip. Three hours after the shareholders’ meeting, Mr. Cook left the office with a fire in his pocket. His first stop: Mexico. With all the money that Apple has made, Mexico was a piece of art that Tim wanted to have. “I wanted to buy something with lots of culture,” said Tim Cook.

Tim Cook Smiling Because He Bought Mexico.

Tim Cook eating at Chichi’s after he bought Mexico.

Mexican President, Pablo Escobar, was pleased and stated, “I needed the money for my drug problem.” It was an easy decision for Tim Cook as he talked down all of Mexico to three hundred US dollars. “We started high, but he talked us down,” said the ex president. The negotiations began at one million Mexican pesos… also, known as three hundred US dollars.

“I was willing to spend half a bill, but you know,” smiled Tim Cook. The papers have been signed and now residents of Mexico have until the end of the year to move out. Any of those who do not move by the time given will be treated like the homeless and moved to Skid Row in Los Angeles, CA. Californians do not care because they follow the mantra, “Out of Sight in Skid Row, Out of Mind, We Smoke Weed.”

Tim Cook is planning to use the remaining money to turn Los Estados Unidos De Mexico into Los Estados Unidos De Apple. The change will come with an influx of Chinese immigrants to work in factories already built. “Also, I am going to make this country look like a giant Apple,” he later added.

A Flag of Mexico After it's Owned By Apple

Mexico’s New Flag

Renovations are to begin on April 1st, 2014. For now, Tim Cook is staying at the Temple of the Sun located outside of Mexico City. He will start calling it The Houdini building as that is where the “magic” happens. Groans can now be heard by all over the world.


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