Samsung Galaxy S5 Arrives!

Ronald in front of the T Mobile.

Ronald’s Local T Mobile Store at the Rosedale Mall.

Local dad, 55-year-old Ronald Tempers was asked to participate in a test group for the new Samsung Galaxy  S5 smartphone.  This proud hockey dad said that he would normally decline such an offer, but the T-Mobile Representative who approached him at the mall offered him a “free” ice scraper for his car if he participated. And it wasn’t just any ice scraper, it had a warm mitten attached to it. “This is a SubZero Ice Mitt. You won’t even know you have a hand when you’re wearing this baby.” Well that was all that Nathan from T-Mobile had to say before Ronald was sitting in the back room of the store. Ronald cradled the brand new Samsung Galaxy S5 they gave him like a delicate flower. “I don’t know much about these smartyphones, but I do know they’re expensive so I asked Nate if he’d charge me if I dropped it.” According to Ronald, Nathan assured him that if such an accident occurred, he would not be responsible to pay for the damages. “I wanted to be double-sure so I asked him, ‘What if I throw it?’.” Nathan then informed Ronald that he’d have to pay for the device if it was deliberately thrown onto the ground and broken. “I think that’s kind of bologna. They couldn’t prove it was me.”

For years Ronald has struggled with a reoccurring fantasy where he runs up to random people on the street, steals the smartphone from their hand(s) and then throws it onto the ground just to watch it shatter. “When I think about hurting them things, it makes me get that funny feeling in my belly like you’re on a roller coaster. I love it.”

Ron's current cellphone

Ronald’s Current Cellphone through METROPC.

Luckily for T-Mobile, Ronald fought his urge to destroy their device and instead provided them with feedback for their product.And luckily for us, Ronald shared some of his thoughts on the Samsung Galaxy S5 smartphone that he spent the afternoon with:

  • It doesn’t flip shut like my phone now does, so that’s a negative. It’s hard to tell that it’s off if you can’t close it up. 
  • I yelled into it, “CALL MY WIFE,” but it didn’t so that’s a selling point.
  • I think the screen is too big. Do they really think people are going to watch movies on that thing? That’s what your dvd player is for. 
  • I was told that it’s got an app that will calculate your blood-alcohol level and I’m very interested in that.
  • It says it has a camera, but I already have an Instamatic camera that I take on my fishing trips so I don’t need that option. Last year up in Ontario, my buddy John Petterson caught a 43-pound Northern. Petterson was so proud. He pushed that fish right up in my face to make sure I was jealous. I immediately got a picture of it and then threw the picture and the camera into the lake, so I guess I might use the phone camera. 
  • It’s got too much color. Men like white stuff. They should cover it with white.
  • I don’t like that it doesn’t fit in the cell phone case I carry on my belt.
  • They said it goes on the internet, but then they said I couldn’t look at any adult content while in the store so I don’t see what the point of having an internet phone is.
  • I think calling it a Galaxy makes it sound weak. If they want people to believe their product is the best, they should just call it American.
  • I do like that there’s a big clock on the screen. That’s good for me because I don’t like wearing my glasses. It makes me look like Jacob Finney’s dad. Jacob is the goalie on my son’s high school hockey team and his dad, Craig is a real dickhead.
  • It feels good in my hand. I bet it shatters easily. I probably don’t even have to throw it. I could just accidentally drop it on purpose and it’d have the same effect. (He Smiles) There goes my belly again.

Ronald’s Final Thought:

I miss the old days when people looked at boobs in magazines and didn’t send text messages. If someone wanted to talk to me, they’d come over and we’d actually talk in person. LOL.


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