Kurt Cobain Day Inspires City

Aberdeen, WA sets example for the country.

Timmy Towers, a local comedian, is being celebrated with a his very own day. The stand up comic is being heralded for his long lost battle from being not funny. “He SUCKED!  May he rest in peace,” mentioned his mother. Locals were so excited, they decided to hold a parade. The parade featured floats in the shape of microphones and a high school band playing an off time version of “Hit the Road Jack.” When GUR asked what happened to the comic legend,  Phil, a manager of Burger King on Main,  said, “He brought a one nighter to our local bar, Jim’s Johnson, and he did 20 minutes. No one laughed.  John Tusk, the headliner of the evening, made fun of him for trying. It was hilarious. ”

“We wanted to save his honor in a life questionably led,” said City Council Board President Virginia Doubt. “It’s just so sad to see a local entertainer try so hard and do so bad, we never heard from him again,” she added. “We want to raise awareness to those who try to follow their dreams: don’t.” Ms. Doubt explains that people should follow the safe path of not trying. The day is devoted to going to work and doing what you would do if you couldn’t change a thing

Timmy Towers doing stand up

Timmy Towers trying his best at not looking bad on stage. He’s losing the crowd.

about yourself.

As GUR was leaving City Hall with a sadness of what happened to Timmy Towers, we bumped into the aforementioned stand up comic.

“I’m not dead,” responded Towers, “no one will talk to me because I did so bad that night.”

We went back in to talk to Virginia Doubt about the new found evidence that Timmy was alive.  She quickly told us to leave and quit trying to ruin people’s standard of living she thinks is best.

The Timmy Towers Day was capped off with an awards ceremony to showcase people in the community who haven’t tried. This year’s Timmy Award winner was Ted Stevens, a superstitious OCD mail man, who is seen everyday in his checking patterns.

Tommy Towers can be reached through twitter: @ComedianTimmyTowersIsNotDead

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