Fantastic Four Finalizes Film’s Cast

Fantastic Four is set to go.

Producers, of the millionth reboot of a movie everyone will see because it’s the only thing being produced by Hollywood and it needs to be regurgitated a million times more, have found a cast. “We wanted to get the viewers excited by casting actors that best represent our viewers, since all of our viewers are minorities.” That is right, the movie’s producers have cast a Latino, an African American, an Asian, a plus size girl, and a ginger Male. “We felt like it was the right way to go because colored children love colored people.” Amol Sanjay, who is playing the hispanic added to the conversation, “I’m not mexican.”

Movie goers are trying their best to hold in their excitement by expressing themselves through email at work. One email intercepted by GUR stated, “You see those hot asian tits? I can’t wait for a Fantastic Four-some… get it?”

Producers are not only changing up the casting, but they are also changing the story. Instead of a space catastrophe, the Fantastic Four will suffer an “Earth” catastrophe. This will make the movie easier to budget for because it will be worse than the version of The Hulk that didn’t star Edward Norton. “We want the kids to wear rings that will give them each individual powers. Like that Mexican kid, he’s got heart because so many of them are working minimum wage jobs. Their labor is the heart of this country.”

Fantastic Four Cast Photo

The cast of Fantastic Four posing for an action shot at the dinner gala announcing the cast.

GUR will be attending the premier in May 2015 in the basement of Miles Hernandez the 7 year old president of the Fantastic Four Fanatics Orale. Miles cannot be reached for comment as GUR has found out he is in a self induced coma until the movie’s release.

Amol Sanjay, the mexican, has reached out to GUR to forgo printing he is a mexican.

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