Dan Marino/Shannon Sharpe Out – Tony Gonzalez In at Burger King

Marino & Sharpe

The original cardboard cut outs. Picture circa 2004

Oh boy.

Today, the NFL announced that Burger King on Main St. and 5th will be kicking out Dan Marino and Shannon Sharpe cardboard cut outs. This news comes as a surprise to many Burger King visitors who claim  they are staples of that establishment since 2004. One fry cook, Miguel, thinks differently, “I’m glad they are leaving. They were getting like busted n’ stuff. They didn’t even look like Shannon Marino and Dan Sharpeshooter.” The departure will leave room for the much anticipated cardboard cut out of Tony Gonzalez. He brings in a great smile for sales to push people to buy food that is bad for their health. “I like his smile, it makes me want a Spicy Whopper,” whispered Mary Reyna Burger King’s Store #455’s Queen. “I must not let them see me talking to you.” She added while shouting.

Tony Gonzalez Cardboard Cutout

Computer Rendition of Tony Gonzalez cardboard cut out at Burger King.

Tony Gonzalez cardboard cut out is best know for his role as a tree in the Amazon. His career started and ended as an ancient tree who couldn’t make it to the big dance. When asked why he retired, he claimed that he was forced to by the lumberjacks who cut down his brothers. Lumberjacks have not returned our inquiry pigeons.

As to what’s going to happen to the old cardboard cut outs, a young man, who wishes to remain anonymous, says he is going to take it back to his place and throw darts at them. When asked what kind of darts, he declined to comment and left riding into the sunset on his purple huffy.

The Burger King on Main is now taking reservations for pictures with Tony Gonzalez. For more information please email MReyna@burgerking.com.

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